The ride from the airport to the hotel was...indescribable. I'll try to put into words what I saw, although I wish I had better photos to share. (Here would be a great time for me to explain that most all of my photos were taken from the back of a moving pick-up truck or the tap-tap that I was riding in - so some of the images aren't "great," but...anyway. It was the best I could do, especially considering how most of them are from my iPhone.)

There are cars...and people...everywhere. EVERY.WHERE. Port-au-Prince is a huge city - right at 14 square miles, with a population of close to a million people. The streets were lined with people, the roads were insane. The rules to driving are as follows:
1. There are none.

Seriously. Horns beep constantly. That's how auto's and motorbikes (which are extremely common in Haiti!) communicate with each other. Lines on the road? Doesn't matter. If they want to pass you, by golly, you will get passed. If the lane is just wide enough for one vehicle at a time to drive through? Does.Not.Matter.If.They.Want.To.Pass.You. Again I say, you *will* get passed. People and motorbikes dart in and out, in between cars/traffic, crossing lanes, beeping horns with little regard to whom they cut off. There is no concept of personal space or "wait your turn."

So, constant horns blowing, emergency vehicle sounds, people, vehicles, motorbikes, markets, people selling anything and everything on the side of the streets...the sounds, the smells, the colors, the people everywhere. The emergency vehicle sirens went almost totally ignored though. I asked why and was told that a few people who feel...what's the word? Entitled? They buy these horns that sound like sirens and put them on their personal vehicles so that others will get out of their way and they can avoid traffic jams. While I don't know if this is truth, it sure seemed like it to me.

There are no garbage services in Haiti. The streets are lined with trash. Many times, I noticed piles upon piles of garbage on the sidewalks. They pile the trash up and burn it, which adds to the already smoldering stinch of extreme heat/trash that you can smell as you ride through Port-au-Prince.
And yes, that's hogs pillaging through the trash on the streets.

So many people. Fast cars. Horns. Colors. Smells. Trash. Seeming like I was unable to understand anything - the language, the "why?," the "what is...?" - all of it - Abby kept asking me how I was doing. I had no real truthful answer, I just kept telling her "I'm ok." Was I? Was I *really* ok with all I was seeing? I didn't understand it then, but I kept praying. I kept begging. I kept asking God to reveal to me my purpose while I was there. Even now, 2.5 months later as I write these words, I can't do it without crying. The Bible says that God will give us the desires of our heart. The desire He's given me is to go back. I believe and have faith that this first trip will be the first of many for me.

I don't think there was anything that could have prepared me for the things I saw while I was in Haiti - both good and bad. It was almost like a movie I was watching and I was in the leading role. I was too confused to even eat dinner that first night at the hotel. I enjoyed the quiet time in the room while everyone else was down in the restaurant. I read, I prayed, I showered and literally just stood and looked out the window - still questioning everything but so very sure there was nowhere else on this planet I was supposed to be.

I can honestly say I've never seen anything like this before in my life with my own eyes. While I was almost in shock, my heart sank.

Dear Lord, I thought. Please let me experience YOU here, please let me have open eyes, an open heart, and open ears to receive all that you have brought me here for. Please let my heart love unconditionally and purposefully, and break my heart when it needs to be broken, but also, please allow me to see your mercy, grace and presence in the midst of it all.