DISCLAIMER: Trying to figure out where, exactly, to start has been difficult today, as I sit here thinking back on Day Number One in Haiti. Re-reading my journal, I thought about just copying those words, word for word, so that perhaps you, the reader, would feel like you were in real-time with me there; but I'm not sure that's a good way to tell this story. I'm really not even sure what to include and what to exclude here. I'll probably catch myself rambling. If you agree that it's just that - rambling - that's ok. I will attempt to try to stay focused on what I think are the main highlights, although it *all* seems important to me.

Thursday, July 20, 2017 - Chuck and Tanner drove me to Charlotte to the airport. I couldn't stand and take my time telling them goodbye - I knew one of us would cry, and it probably wouldn’t be me. So, in order to avoid that (and making me a hot mess in the meantime), quick kisses on the cheek and a hug, while throwing a suitcase out of the back of the car, I wheeled my one (extremely) tiny suitcase and duffle bag through the airport. Once I got inside, I immediately felt overwhelmed. Taking a few deep breaths, whispering a silent prayer, I found the American line and waited. Worried that I had forgotten my passport (I had checked 50,000 times on the way to Charlotte), or money (it was in my backpack, I was sure), I secretly hoped that I looked somewhat calm and sure of myself. Truth? I was not. To channel Steve Perry, I'm a small town girl, living in a small town world. But, nonetheless. Here I am. In the airport. Alone. Headed overseas. Did I mention that I'm alone? 

Once I got my boarding passes and made it through security, I went to the terminal where we would exit from. I saw Abby (I recognized her only because I *may* have social media stalked her) sitting in a chair with another lady whom I would meet, Autumn. Abby is the medical team leader and director for the ministry that I would be working with. Immediately we began to chat and get to know each other. I quickly realized that I was in the presence of one amazing woman, and I was excited to get to know her better.

I've flown a few times, but today was the first time I've actually flown over water. I think the first ocean I saw was somewhere between Charleston and Savannah, although I couldn't swear to it. It was beautiful - I love the ocean and seeing the vastness, the deepness, and the shades of blue from the sky was magnificent. I was reminded of God so, so many times over my time in Haiti, and I think that flying over water was the first time I got the "oh my goodness! This is REALLY happening!" feeling. From Charlotte to Miami, and Miami to Port-au-Prince was the route we would be taking. Excitement was settling in and it all started to feel real.

At times, it was hard to tell where the horizon ended and where the water met the sky. Sometimes, it was hard to tell that the ocean was actually water until I caught a glimpse of the sunlight reflecting off of it - ripples and waves dancing in shades of blue. My iPhone told me that we flew over the Bahamas.

Abby sat in front of me and I tried to not talk her ears off. I wanted to - but I also feared getting on her ever-loving last nerve, so I tried to be reserved and subdued. If you know me, you know how hard that was. I did manage to do one quick picture on the plane. After this...I just knew everything was gonna be alright. 

Abby kept asking me how I was doing...how did I feel about things? I must have had some crazy eyes going on, I'm not sure. Scared? Nervous? Excited? Elated? Unsure? Yes, all of these things and more. Not knowing what to expect, I wasn't even sure what questions to ask her. I remember sitting on the plane trying to think about how I felt; it never came to me. I do know I felt such peace about being on a plane going to place that would, hopefully, change me somehow. The only fear and doubt I had was all about me - could I do this? Would I survive 10 days away from home, my family, the only world I've ever known? Fear that I would somehow disappoint God in my lack of abilities, my shallowness, my human weaknesses - that's what I feared. I NEVER feared God or HIS abilities, but I know me. I am weak - He is strong.

Philippians 4:13 kept coming to mind: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I can do this! God has called me to do this, and I CAN do this! Uhm....right?!

After a short layover in Miami (which is a beautiful city from the sky!), somewhere over the Atlantic/Caribbean Ocean, I got out that little blue journal from church (read here). Half of a page read, and I was crying like a baby. Back in the backpack it went. I just couldn't do it then. I could feel the love that poured over the pages as friends and family wrote to me. That was the first of many, many tears I would shed over the next days and weeks. I wanted to read it all, but the emotional mess that I was - I couldn't. I knew the Lord would let me read every word when I needed it - and not until then would I open it back up. 

A lot of the time on the plane I spent thinking about how I don't think I've ever felt so much in the will of God as I did on that plane. I knew, and I still know without a doubt, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.